So it seems that lately I need to wait for everything to fall apart in order to start posting something on the wider web.
At list it seemed like my own world was falling apart for more than 48 hours. But let me tell you something. I always manage to get the wrong end of the stick.
I am such a loser. In more than 48 hours I managed to destroy my own self by imagining all kind of stupid things which should have not been there in first place. Maybe the lack of communication directs us straight to our black thoughts which cannot wait to over take.
So after self pity, complaining, tears and laughs, craziness and a really large amounts of alcohol I decided today to take a step and address those issues more directly hoping that I will find an answer. Nothing worked so I thought why not. ( petrified in the process I must say)
I cannot say that I did but I think I found peace. Peace in myself not sure in the person I shared all my utter nonsense too. I hope that they will understand and at list think for a second that I am a 'Meshuge' really best description ever but I think I need to stop for more than a second, rest and rephrase my own thoughts if I really want to continue this long journey in the crazy world out there which at any step cannot wait to deviate us from our route.
So best therapy so far : start writing all kind of crap especially feelings you are not familiar with then stare at them for a long time recognize yourself in them and try to persevere in making ends meet. In the same time realize all the mistakes you have done, appreciate the people around you, listen to them not just hear them and enjoy.
Bad days are every day it all depends if we want to make them better or not.
So see the bright side of things and get a grip because life it is worth living , at list mine so shall I say. Let's just hope that tomorrow I will be my own self again :)
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